Between hate and love
by Hollyva
Summary: [SLASH] [ Chapter 5 up ] One night, Harry finds Draco on the astronomy tower and they quickly realise there is more than meets the eye. But can they face the obstacles put their way?
1. Discoveries

TITLE : Between hate and love  
  
AUTHOR : Hollyva  
  
EMAIL: Estelle@mic.fr  
  
RATING : PG-13  
  
PAIRING : Harry/Draco  
  
SUMMARY : Harry finds Draco depressed and about to jump off the astronomy tower . They talk, and discover they have more things in common than they thought.  
  
AUTHOR NOTES : Enjoy the story and tell me what you think.  
  
DISCLAIMER : All the characters in this story belong to JK Rowling  
  
  
  
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Harry was running in the corridors. Running as fast as he could, never looking back. Earlier that night, he had told his best friends something he has kept inside him for a long time. Too long. It had started eating him up from inside, and he had finally told them his secret. The Boy Who Lived was gay.  
  
Wizards were not better than Muggles. They also treated homosexual people like freaks.  
  
Hermione had tried to understand. Like always. But with Ron's screams and insults, she couldn't make up her mind. And Harry hadn't waited for her to say something.  
  
He ran.  
  
Without knowing how, he arrived at the top of the astronomy tower. For a moment he considered jumping. 'It can't be that bad,' he thought. 'It will be over before I even realize it. Then all my troubles will be gone.'  
  
But somehow, something kept him from jumping here and now. It wasn't really what he wanted.  
  
No. What Harry wanted above everything, what he craved, was someone. A person who would understand him and love him for what he was. Someone who would look past the scar and see the shy, insecure boy he is. Someone who wouldn't treat him like the 'World Savior' and would hold him everytime he needed it.  
  
Someone he could love, who would love him back.  
  
Lost in his thoughts, Harry didn't notice another boy ready to jump as well. It took him time to realise who it was. After all, why would he come here ? He had everything he wanted.  
  
"Malfoy?" Harry said, wondering what had made the other boy come here.  
  
Hearing his name, Draco looked quickly at Harry, surprised and shocked to see him there.  
  
'What is he doing here?' Malfoy thought. 'Everybody loves him. Someone has probably refused him something and it's the end of the world. If only he knew.'  
  
"Potter? What are you doing here?" Draco replied, trying his best to look harsh, like usual, but failing miserably.  
  
"I could ask you the same quetsion, Malfoy," Harry said harshly. He wasn't in the mood for this right now  
  
"What I am doing here is my business. Now, Potter, go back to your 'Golden World' and leave me alone!"  
  
Draco was tired, tired of all the games he was playing, all to satisfy his father. He had a good reason not to do so now. He had thought his father would understand. Or at least try to understand.  
  
How wrong he had been! The only reaction he had gotten from his father was beatings, curses, and insults.  
  
He didn't have any reason to obey anymore.  
  
Draco looked at Harry's features while the expressions on his face were changing from shock to anger. Still, Draco could have sworn he saw a bit of sadness in his green eyes.  
  
"You think it's so simple, don't you? I was a baby when Voldemort tried to kill me and I don't remember anything. I didn't know I was a wizard until I got my letter from Hogwarts, which, by the way, was addressed to 'The Cupboard Under the Stairs' cause that was where I lived. Then I arrive at Hogwarts and discover I'm famous and people expect me to defeat Voldemort again. They hate me or love me because of this damned scar. And I can't even tell my secrets to my best friends, because they freak out, like they did tonight. So excuse me, but I don't really want to go back to my 'Golden World'," Harry said, without taking a breath. He didn't care that he was pouring out his heart to his nemesis. He just wanted to stop fighting.  
  
Draco was staring, amazed. He had always thought Harry was spoiled and that everybody loved him and it had made Draco jealous. He didn't understand why Harry had refused his friendship and not Ron's.  
  
Back then, he had figured Harry would want a rich friend to talk about rich things. How wrong he had been! He understood now why Harry chose the Weasel. He had wanted friendship, someone who would care for him. Someone he could tell anything to.  
  
For the first time in his life, Draco Malfoy didn't know what to say. He slowly raised his head to meet Harry's eyes and said quietly, "I'm sorry. I never thought...my father always told me your relatives spoiled you and you were treated like a king. I guess I shouldn't have listened to him."  
  
Harry didn't say anything. He couldn't comprehend what Draco had just said. 'Sorry' and 'Malfoy' were two words you couldn't put in the same sentence.  
  
But Draco wasn't done yet.  
  
"And I guess I shouldn't have made fun of Weasley because of his money. I won't have much money anymore since my father kinda disowned me," Draco added, trying to smile but not really succeeding.  
  
Harry was trying to sort this out. Why was Draco being so nice to him? He didn't understand. But maybe he was wrong about Draco. Maybe the other boy wasn't the cold person Harry had thought he was.  
  
And after all that had happened with Ron.... Harry smiled a little. He had an idea.  
  
"Hi! I'm Harry Potter. Want to be my friend?"  
  
Draco looked up and saw Harry wasn't joking. And it felt so right. The blonde haired boy smiled without realising it. They shook hands and for the first time in his life Draco feels like he has a friend. A real friend, not like those morons Crabbe and Goyle. Someone he can tell everything to.  
  
It's Harry Potter. And it's how it's supposed to be.  
  
***********  
  
  
  
  
  
DRACO'S POV  
  
After one hour of talking, we find that we have both much in common.  
  
First of all, we are not what people expect us to be. People think we're both spoiled by our parents, but it's not true. My parents hate me and from what he told me, Harry's relatives don't treat him well.  
  
And I wonder....  
  
Is he going to hate me when I tell him I'm gay? An hour ago, I would have been sure of his reaction. Now, I don't know anymore.  
  
So I try to talk to him.  
  
"Harry? " I call.  
  
He raises his head and looks into my eyes. God, he has beautiful eyes!  
  
"If I tell you something, can you promise me you won't laugh or freak out on me?" I ask, fearing another rejection.  
  
"Sure. What are friends for?" Harry says, smiling uneasily. These words sound weird, but I feel the same way.  
  
Seeing he's not going anywhere until I tell him what's going on, I start.  
  
"Have you ever felt something you weren't supposed to feel?"  
  
He laughs quickly before answering.  
  
"More than you may think."  
  
I'm happy with that answer. So I decide to continue.  
  
"That's what has been happening to me lately. There's this person I like a lot. And I don't know if they like me or not. And I don't want to take the risk of being rejected once again. I've felt rejection too much in my life," I say.  
  
I'm not trying to get him to pity me. I just want him to like me for what I am, and not because I'm rich or popular.  
  
"Please Draco. Can you name a girl who wouldn't do anything to be with you?"  
  
I look at him with a smile.  
  
"Who said it was a girl?"  
  
"Well, it's getting interesting," he says, looking at me. He looks wonderful.  
  
And he's not freaked out.  
  
"You don't hate me?" I say with hope in my eyes.  
  
"Hate you because you're gay?" he asks and I nod. "If I hate you for that then I must hate myself too."  
  
What? What does this mean? Could he be...? No, Harry can't be gay. He's too perfect. And I'm not normal.  
  
But a look from him tells me he is. And I'm happy, because I finally have somebody to talk about my problems.  
  
"When did you figure it out?" Harry asks me.  
  
I sigh and answer, "I don't really know. I've had these mixed up feelings for a while and I didn't know what it meant."  
  
I pause and ask, "What about you?"  
  
"Well, I guess I knew for sure last month. I didn't get up one morning and realise 'hey I'm gay'. I thought I could be a year ago when I was dating Cho and didn't feel anything. But now I know. I told Ron a few hours ago. He didn't take it well. I don't even know if he'll talk to me anymore. I guess I made the wrong choice back in first year on the Hogwarts Express," he tells me and I know what he means.  
  
"No, you didn't. I was a prick back then. And I guess you were better off with Gryffindor friends," I tell him, trying to make him feel better.  
  
He looks away for a few minutes and notices the sun is rising.  
  
"We should be going before somebody notices we're gone."  
  
"Yeah, I guess you're right. Anyway, it's been nice talking to you," I tell him.  
  
"Yes, I think we should do this more often."  
  
I agree completely with that. And within a few seconds I'm up and looking at Harry.  
  
And for a moment, I consider doing something. Something that would change our newly found friendship.  
  
Oh well, we only live once.  
  
I slowly move closer to Harry and bring our lips closer until they brush together.  
  
I kiss him for a few seconds and he's kissing me back. When we pull away, searching for air, he looks at me with a puzzled expression.  
  
Maybe I just made up what happened. Maybe he didn't like the kiss.  
  
But if he did, I think the best times of my life are starting.  
  
  
  
*************  
  
So, what did you think? Don't forget to review. The more reviews I get, the sooner I post the next chapter.  
  
Hollyva 


	2. The morning after

TITLE : Between Hate and Love  
  
AUTHOR : Hollyva  
  
EMAIL: Estelle@mic.fr  
  
RATING : PG-13  
  
PAIRING : Harry/Draco  
  
SUMMARY : Harry finds Draco depressed and about to jump off the astronomy tower. They talk, and discover they have more things in common than they thought.  
  
AUTHOR NOTES : I'm looking for a beta. E-mail me if you are interested.  
  
DISCLAIMER : All the characters in this story belong to JK Rowling.  
  
  
  
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CHAPTER 2 : THE MORNING AFTER  
  
  
  
Harry was heading towards the Gryffindor Tower, much slower than when he had left.  
  
After what had happened a few hours before, Harry was in peace. He felt he had what he had really craved for a long time.  
  
Affection. Maybe even love.  
  
He didn't really know what that kiss Draco had given him meant, but he truly had enjoyed it.  
  
When he arrived in his dorm, everybody was asleep, and Harry recognized Neville's regular snores.  
  
'Good,' Harry thought. 'I'm sure Ron has probably told them everything and I'm not ready to face them now.'  
  
Harry quickly changed into his pajamas and went to sleep in a world where everything was perfect; where there was only him and Draco.  
  
And love.  
  
***********  
  
  
  
  
  
Sleep without nightmares was greatly appreciated by Harry Potter. That's why, this morning, he felt incredibly cheerful.  
  
A quick look at his dorm-mates told him they were still sound asleep, but he still preferred to leave before one of them woke up.  
  
He slowly made his way to the Great Hall, not paying attention to the looks he was getting.  
  
'People talk,' Harry thought. 'Somebody probably heard Ron scream at me and now everybody knows.'  
  
But strangely, this wasn't affecting him as much as he thought it would.  
  
And there was an answer to that: Draco. It was curious how Draco appeared to be the solution to all his problems.  
  
Harry was wondering if Draco would be at breakfast. He needed to have a big conversation with him. About the kiss.  
  
Granted, it has been wonderful, but Harry didn't know if he was ready to be in a relationship. Admitting he had feelings towards guys was one thing; acting upon these feelings was another.  
  
Still, he couldn't help but think how perfect he and Draco would be together.  
  
When he arrived in the Great Hall, it was almost empty. He looked over at the Gryffindor table. There were a few first years, looking at their books. They were probably trying to figure out how to transfigure a goblet into something else, or maybe finding a way to get out of Snape's class alive.  
  
Harry looked at the Slytherin table and smiled. Draco was there, sitting alone and eating slowly while reading some book. Apparently, he hadn't noticed Harry's entrance.  
  
The black-haired man hesitated for an instant. Should he go to the Slytherin table to talk to him? Would Draco be hostile to him if he did?  
  
He was about to make a decision when Draco raised his head and looked into Harry's eyes.  
  
A smile instantly lit up his face. 'God, he's beautiful when he smiles,' Harry thought.  
  
This kind of thought still disturbed him. Even if he had grown to like Draco, it still felt weird to think of him in that way.  
  
The blond rose from his seat and came to see Harry.  
  
But, face to face, neither of them knew what to say. Draco knew he had to say something about the kiss. So he talked first.  
  
"You know Harry, yesterday, about the kiss..." Draco paused for a moment.  
  
Harry wanted to know what Draco had to say. He needed to hear he hadn't dreamed it, that the kiss was real and that it meant something.  
  
"I don't know what got into me. You were being nice to me. Nobody has ever been that nice, and I guess I just asked too much from you with that kiss and I'm sorry," Draco said.  
  
'Oh, definitely not what I wanted to hear,' Harry thought.  
  
"You mean you didn't want it to happen?" Harry asked him. Did he get his hopes up too high? Was he still going to be alone?  
  
"What? Harry, no! That's not what I meant. I really, really liked the kiss, and if there is a possibility of us being together, I'll take it no matter what," Draco explained to him.  
  
The blond boy had liked Harry for a long time. A lot of people were attracted to Harry Potter for a lot of reasons. And Draco was one of them. For more than one year, he had watched Harry from afar, wanting to be with him when he was laughing with his friends, wanting to hold him when he needed it.  
  
He would take everything Harry could give him. The night before, he had been able to control himself. Seeing Harry so close, it was driving him mad.  
  
He just hoped he hadn't damaged their friendship.  
  
Harry was about to respond when he saw Ron and a small group of Gryffindors arriving in the Great Hall.  
  
"Look Draco, I have to go. I'll see you this afternoon after class, ok?" Harry asked hopefully.  
  
"Sure, no problem. I'll be there," replied the other boy, happy that Harry was at least talking to him.  
  
******************  
  
  
  
Harry quickly found a seat at the Gryffindor table, with a clear view of the Slytherin table, where Draco was sitting.  
  
Before he could even realise it, Harry was staring at Draco, thinking of the kiss and feeling extremely guilty that he didn't have the occasion to tell Draco he had liked it too.  
  
What would happen if he did tell him? Would there be more kisses? Harry hoped so. He had never been in a relationship before and he didn't really know what to expect.  
  
His fantasy was interrupted by the one who had taken over Draco's place as his enemy.  
  
"So Harry, I didn't see you yesterday. Were you in the dungeon for a shag? It wouldn't surprise me. Or does every gay person in the castle think you're not good enough ? Wouldn't surprise me either!" Ron Weasley said in the most hateful way he could find.  
  
Harry chose to ignore Ron's insults and kept eating his breakfast. But Ron didn't stop there.  
  
" What? Cat got your tongue? Or maybe it's too tired from sucking cocks all night."  
  
Harry swore to himself that he wouldn't lose his temper. He wouldn't give Ron the satisfaction of knowing his remarks were hurting him.  
  
The rest of the breakfast passed quite rapidly. Seeing his insults had no effect whatsoever, Ron stopped and started talking about the Chudley Cannons with Seamus.  
  
Harry, however, ate his meal in peace, mostly thinking about the only thing that gave him the strength to carry on: Draco.  
  
From time to time, Draco would give him a worried look, and Harry would try to reassure him.  
  
He couldn't wait to see him after class.  
  
  
  
  
  
***************  
  
  
  
History of Magic was the last class of the day for Harry, and the most boring. It basically consisted of sitting in a chair and listening to Professor Binns talk about random facts, which, according to Harry, weren't useful.  
  
There were only a few minutes left before the end of the class. Before his meeting with Draco.  
  
And suddenly, by thinking about Draco, the class seemed less boring.  
  
The bell rang a few minutes later and Harry stormed out of the class to meet Draco.  
  
The blond was just in front of the door, waiting for Harry.  
  
"Hey, Draco! How was your day?" Harry was so cheerful. He had never been that cheerful before.  
  
But seeing the look on Draco's face, Harry lost all reason to smile.  
  
"Can we talk somewhere more private?" Draco asked.  
  
"Sure, no problem," Harry replied, while thinking, 'Please don't let him reject me. I couldn't stand that.'  
  
  
  
***********  
  
Draco took Harry into an empty classroom. Harry was not liking this. He had been so happy the whole day, and now his happiness was going away.  
  
Draco was avoiding Harry's eyes. He seemed to fight an inner battle, but finally spoke.  
  
"Harry, I don't think we should be doing this."  
  
"Doing what?" answered Harry. "As far as I know, we haven't been doing anything." The black-haired boy was trying to hide his emotions, but failing miserably.  
  
"Harry, I'm really sorry. Yesterday I didn't think. I shouldn't have kissed you. I should have been happy with just being your friend. But I've been stupid and I apologise. I'm not ready for a serious relationship. I know it would scare me at some point and I would just end up hurting us both. Something I want to avoid. I'm really sorry Harry."  
  
With those last words, Draco left the room, looking back at Harry before closing the door behind him.  
  
Harry just stayed there in shock, watching the last bits of his happiness fade away.  
  
TBC  
  
What do you think? Why does Draco act that way? Nobody knows. Well, I do, but I'm not going to tell you.  
  
Sorry to leave you there, but there will probably be a new chapter sometime soon, probably this weekend.  
  
But don't forget to review the story.  
  
  
  
Hollyva 


	3. Sacrifice

TITLE : Between hate and love  
  
AUTHOR : Hollyva  
  
EMAIL: Estelle@mic.fr  
  
RATING : PG-13  
  
PAIRING : Harry/Draco  
  
SUMMARY : Harry finds Draco depressed and about to jump of the astronomy tower . They talk, and discover they have more things in common than they thought  
  
AUTHOR NOTES : I'm looking for a beta . E-mail me if you are interested  
  
DISCLAIMER : All the characters in this story belong to JK Rowling  
  
  
  
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CHAPTER 3 : SACRIFICE  
  
Harry stayed in the classroom for a while, just looking at the door where was standing Draco a few minutes before  
  
He couldn't believe what happened . Draco had told him he would do anything to be with him . Now, he seemed to think the contrary  
  
' I can't blame him' Harry thought ' Every single person I know ended up being hurt one way or another .'  
  
Harry was absolutely sure it was his fault, something he did . Maybe he was to enthusiastic . Maybe not enough .  
  
Before he could realise it, tears were flowing freely on his face . Staying in this classroom was doing him no good . He wanted to leave , but where to go ?  
  
It would be only worse in the Gryffindor common room, and he didn't want to face any student  
  
The quidditch pitch came to his mind . He quickly made his way to the Gryffindor Tower, hoping he won't meet any of his 'friends' .  
  
He sighed in relief when he arrived and almost no one was here . He picked his firebolt, a gift from his godfather  
  
Harry's thought went to Sirius . He was his only family . How would he react ? Will he be mad at his godson ? Will he mind terribly that Harry is gay ?  
  
Harry was so preoccupied by his godfather he didn't even notice Hermione calling him .  
  
" HARRY ! " she finally screamed  
  
" What ? Oh Hermione " Harry didn't know how to react . She probably wanted to insult too .  
  
Unless Hermione hadn't really reacted last night when The-Boy-Who-Lived told her he was gay . Maybe she was okay with it  
  
" I didn't see you all day " Hermione told him " Where were you ? "  
  
" Well, I did go in class but then I tried to avoid as much Gryffindors as possible " Harry admitted  
  
" oh . Is it because of what happened with Ron last night ? " she asked . Harry was surprised . Usually, Hermione was much more clever .  
  
" No Hermione it's because Snape took points from me in potions . You know how much that hurts me when he does ! " Harry replied sarcastically  
  
Hermione looked uneasy for a moment  
  
" Harry, do you mind if we talk for a while ? " she said  
  
" Oh, if you want "  
  
They both sat down, waiting for the other to talk . Hermione, being the one who suggered the talk, speaked first  
  
" You know Harry, I don't mind about you being gay "  
  
Harry looked at her, surprised, but happy to have somebody who didn't hate him  
  
" Last time, Ron was screaming so much, I couldn't even think . But you're my best friend, and this doesn't change who you are .  
  
And I guess that means I can talk to you about guys now " Hermione said with a smile  
  
Harry smiled back, glad he had Hermione back and told her  
  
" It's good to know you don't hate me . I don't know if I could bear my two best friends not talking to me . But I guess if I have you, I can't stand Ron's insults "  
  
" I can try to talk to him, you know he can be really stupid sometimes. " Herrmione asked  
  
Harry thought about it and replied " No, I don't think that's a good idea . I think we should wait some time . Wait until he calms down "  
  
Hermione nodded  
  
" You're probably right " she said " But talking about insults, I didn't hear Malfoy making fun of you " hermione added, not knowing she was hitting a sensible subject  
  
" Hum well Maybe he didn't hear it . Or maybe he doesn't care " Harry lied . Hermione didn't mind the fact harry was gay but she would probably mind the fact he liked Malfoy .  
  
" That's better this way. " She said, believing Harry  
  
" Yeah, I guess "  
  
***********  
  
  
  
Draco Malfoy was in the Slytherin dorm . After talking with Harry, he ran to the dungeons and locked himself in his room  
  
He couldn't believe what he had done . After the beatings, he thought his father would leave him alone, disown him or anything . he surely didn't expect that  
  
  
  
*** FLASH BACK ***  
  
  
  
Draco was in his room, making himself ready . He was supposed to meet Harry in a few minutes .  
  
He was happy . He had never been this happy in his life . And that was because of one person . One person he had hated during more than two years . One person he had loved during the last couple of years, and still loved , but who hated him  
  
But everything had changed in one night . And Draco had never felt that good . His fucked-up life was going to be alright  
  
Draco was going to get out of the dungeons when a man came into this room . A man he knew very well . Too well  
  
" Father ? What are you doing here ? " Draco said . His father was going to ruin all his chances . And in this moment, he sweared himself that no matter what he wanted, the older Malfoy wouldn't hurt Harry .  
  
" I received an interesting owl from Mister Parkinson this morning . It seems that his daughter saw you kissing Potter in the astronomy tower . Do you have anything to say about that ? "  
  
' Pansy . I hate that girl . She was probably pissed off I was gay and not interested in her she went to tell her father everything . She doesn't realise that even a straight man wouldn't want her'  
  
Draco had to think about something to say . Was he going to lie and say Pansy had lied ? Or was he going to say the truth ?  
  
Draco looked at his father and said " Yes , it's true . I'm in love with Harry and your beatings won't do anything about it "  
  
It probably wasn't the most sensible think to do, but Draco wouldn't give his father the satisfaction to know he won . If there were beatings to come, he would take them .  
  
" I see the beatings didn't bring some sense into you . " draco's father said , a sneer forming one his face . " Maybe we could try something else " Lucius added, looking at his only son with a cold expression  
  
He took out his wand and pointed it at draco . The youngest Malfoy knew what was to come. But he was determinated not to show any weakness  
  
" Crucio ! " shouted Lucius  
  
Draco fell onto the floor, aching all over his body . ' I won't scream . I won't cry . I won't scream . i won't ' but the pain was too big and Draco let out a moan of pain, which quickly morphed into a scream  
  
" Finite Incantatem " Lucius Malfoy was satisfacted , so he stopped the hex .  
  
Draco tried to get up, but found out he didn't have the strength .  
  
" You will stop that relationship you have with Potter right now . I don't care how you do it . I want it to be done tonight .  
  
If you don't, I will make sure your little boyfriend gets hurt . And believe me, what you just went through , is a picnic, compared to what he will go through if you don't know what I say . Understood ? "  
  
Draco found the strength to whisper " yes " before moaning in pain again . The hex was stopped, but he still felt the pain .  
  
" I will send you a letter with instructions tomorrow, and you will follow them "  
  
After those hateful words, Lucius Malfoy exited the room, not looking back a his son  
  
Draco didn't like it. He didn't like the fact he was going to hurt harry . But it would be better in the long run, he was sure .  
  
The blond boy would probably suffer some more in the next month, but it will be okay , because his beloved will be safe .  
  
  
  
*** END FLASHBACK ***  
  
Draco took the letter his father had just sent . Like he said the day before, there were instructions, which were in fact orders  
  
Draco  
  
I trust you did what I told you. Therefore, here are the instructions . I talked about you to Our Lord . He has some plans for you . Plans I won't reveal right now .  
  
You will take the dark mark in a few weeks and you will join the death eaters . According to the Dark Lord, another student in Hogwarts working for the death eaters will be useful to watch Potter .  
  
You will be given some more details soon  
  
Your father Lucius  
  
Draco threw the letter on the floor . He couldn't believe it . He didn't want to be a Death-Eater . He never liked those people . They often came to the Malfoy Manor, and Draco did his best not to been seen in these occasions .  
  
Watching Potter . Strangely, Draco had a feeling he won't be just watching .  
  
He didn't knwo what to do . If he refused, he would probably be killed and they would find someone else to 'watch' Harry . Someone who would have no problem using unforgivables on Harry .  
  
'It would probably be better if I accepted' Draco thought ' This way, I would know their plans , and I could prevent them from hurting harry'  
  
Draco raised his head in resignation . He was going to do it . He wouldn't be easy . But he needed to do it .  
  
For Harry  
  
And there's nothing he wouldn't do for Harry  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
  
  
Well I hope you liked this chapter . I finished it earlier than I thought but I'm sure you don't mind .  
  
Anyway, you have more on why Draco turned Harry down . How can you be angry at him now ? J  
  
Expect chapter 4 by Wednesday .  
  
And don't forget to review please . It's because of all the reviews I keep writing . Thanks a lot  
  
And I'm looking for someone who could beta the chapters quickly . Interested ? email me - estelle@mic.fr  
  
Hollyva 


	4. I just want to live my life

TITLE : Between Hate and Love  
  
AUTHOR : Hollyva  
  
EMAIL: Estelle@mic.fr  
  
RATING : PG-13  
  
PAIRING : Harry/Draco  
  
SUMMARY : One night, Harry finds Draco on the astronomy tower and they quickly realise there is more than meets the eye. But can they face the obstacles put their way?  
  
DISCLAIMER : All the characters in this story belong to JK Rowling.  
  
  
  
------------------------------------------------  
  
CHAPTER 4 : I just want to live my life  
  
  
  
Far away from the insults, Harry and his friend, Hermione, were enjoying their breakfast. They were chatting about their homework, Hermione's favourite subject.  
  
It's been a few weeks now since the 'Draco story', as Harry liked to call it. He hadn't seen the blond since then, and even though he wanted to, something inside Harry kept him from doing so.  
  
He glanced at the Slytherin table and saw him eating with all his friends. He had noticed Draco's change of attitude and was wondering why. What made him act that way?  
  
He didn't have an answer Instead, Hermione was trying to get his attention.  
  
"Harry" she practically screamed.  
  
"Hum.what? " the raven-haired boy replied. Hermione had noticed that Harry seemed to be lost in his mind quite often lately.  
  
"Hedwig has just dropped a letter for you, " she said, handing Harry the letter.  
  
Harry took it and instantly recognized the handwriting. "It's from Sirius," he said.  
  
He quickly opened the letter. Sirius hadn't given him news since last month and Harry desperately wanted to hear about his godfather.  
  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
Buckbeak and I are fine and I hope you are, as well. Dumbledore sent me a letter, so I will be at Hogwarts in a few days.  
  
I am hoping to see you then.  
  
Dumbledore told me there was a Hogsmeade week-end and I think it would be the best occasion to see each other. Meet me on Saturday the 26th at the usual spot and bring food if you can.  
  
I will be seeing you then and don't forget to write if anything's wrong.  
  
Take care, Sirius  
  
After reading the letter, Harry was uncertain of his feelings. One part of him, the positive one, screamed, 'Great, your godfather is coming back!' The other, much more insecure part, screamed, 'Oh my god, Sirius is coming back. What if he is disgusted I'm gay?'  
  
Hermione, always clever, noticed something was wrong.  
  
"Harry, what's the matter? " she said.  
  
The black-haired boy looked up from his letter and said, "What if he reacts like Ron? What if he hates me? He's the only family I have Hermione! "  
  
"Harry, Sirius is a grown-up, and Ron is too stubborn to even listen to what you have to say. I'm sure Sirius won't mind at all. He loves you no matter what. He keeps in contact with you even though he's on the run. Do you think he will hate you for a small thing like that? "  
  
Harry looked thoughtful for a minute before saying, "Well, I guess I'll only know for sure when I tell him. "  
  
Then he added, "Look, I have to go to Quidditch practice. I'll see you later. "  
  
"Harry, are you sure? "  
  
Since the Weasley twins and the two remaining chasers had graduated from Hogwarts, the Gryffindor Quidditch team was practically made up of Harry's dorm mates.  
  
Dean Thomas was the captain, and also a beater, while Ron was the other. Seamus Finnigan was the keeper and Ginny, being the fifth Weasley on the Gryffindor team, was one of the chasers. Harry didn't know the other chasers very well: one boy and one girl who where in fifth year.  
  
Harry knew it wasn't going to be pleasant, but decided that his dorm mates couldn't keep him from enjoying Quidditch practice and he wouldn't let them think they had succeeded in breaking him.  
  
  
  
**************  
  
  
  
When Harry arrived on the Quidditch Pitch, he was surprised not to be looked at. The Gryffindor team apparently prefered to ignore him, which was fine by him.  
  
Ginny and the two other chasers were chatting and laughing together while Dean and Seamus were discussing the new strategies to win the Quidditch Cup.  
  
Harry noticed Ron, far from the group, painfully rubbing his arm. 'He probably fell from his broom. Or maybe he's been hit by a bludger,' thought Harry, actually meaning, 'Serves him right.'  
  
The practice was quite calm and Harry found he still enjoyed Quidditch even when the team wasn't talking to him.  
  
After the practice, the Gryffindors always stayed for a while on the pitch, chatting. Which was why the Slytherins called them the 'Speakditch Team'. A joke only they found funny. Must be something about the Slytherin humor.  
  
This time, Harry didn't stay talking with his teammates as he had the strange impression he wouldn't be welcome.  
  
So he left the pitch and went back to the castle, wondering what he would be doing until supper. He didn't want to go back to the common room where he'd probably have to work on a Charms essay.  
  
He was heading to the Gryffindor tower when he heard two voices . Actually, it wasn't really two voices: one person was crying, and the other, much older, screaming at him.  
  
The screaming voice he recognized at once. The man owning this voice, was none other than one of the men he hated the most on Earth. A man he had met four years ago in a shop. A man named Lucius Malfoy.  
  
But Harry needed more time to recognize the second voice, the crying one. Once he did, he was so angry, that if Voldemort had come, he wouldn't have stood a chance.  
  
The second voice belonged to Draco Malfoy.  
  
It took a while for Harry to calm down. He was so angry at Lucius. What had he done to make his son hurt like that? Most of the time, Draco was reserved and didn't let on to his feelings.  
  
Even though he knew it wasn't the wisest choice, Harry decided to eavesdrop.  
  
"You will do it Draco. Want it or not, " said the elder Malfoy.  
  
Lucius then muttered a curse, but Harry didn't catch its name. The fact is that it gave Draco some more pain.  
  
A question troubled Harry. Where was Dumbledore? Normally he was aware of everything in the castle. How could he not know?  
  
"You will take it next week. I will come to take you and there's nothing you can do about it, " said Lucius.  
  
Soon, though not soon enough for Harry, Draco's father apparated away, leaving Draco on the floor.  
  
Harry hesitated for a minute. Should he go see Draco? Will the other boy be angry? Will he hate Harry for hearing this conversation?  
  
As Draco made another moan of pain, Harry made up his mind; he couldn't leave the other boy like this.  
  
He slowly approached the blond man, and sat next to him. It looked like young Malfoy hadn't noticed him.  
  
"Draco. Are you okay? " Harry said gently.  
  
Draco quickly turned his head to look at Harry. The raven-haired boy saw many thing in Draco's eyes: hurt, sadness, pain. But among those, he recognized love. And it was in this moment, he realised that he didn't just 'like' Draco, he was in love with him. He wouldn't let go without a fight, because he felt like Draco was worth it.  
  
"Harry, " cried the blond boy. "It hurts. Please make it stop. "  
  
The Boy-Who-Lived didn't know what to do in this situation. So he simply took Draco in his arms and tried to comfort him.  
  
It wasn't really working. Draco seemed to be crying harder and harder.  
  
As he took a closer look at his protegee, Harry realised he was bruised everywhere.  
  
His father didn't just cast curses and hexes. He beat him too. Draco had told him about it that night on the astronomy tower. But the Gryffindor hadn't realised it was this bad.  
  
He wanted to comfort the other boy, to take his trouble away, but he knew, once again, he was powerless.  
  
"I'm going to take you to the hospital wing. Mrs. Pomfrey will heal your wounds, " Harry said, still gently.  
  
But Draco seemed terrified by the thought. "NO! " he screamed. "Please don't take me to Pomfrey. There's a spell I know to heal my wounds. I will do it, " he added.  
  
Not wanting to scare the blond away, Harry agreed to let him perform the spell, and watched the Slytherin's cuts and bruises vanish.  
  
But Harry was still worried about Draco . If his father had done this once, he could very well do it again. Harry took a closer look at Draco. He was cuddled against him, trying to get closer and closer.  
  
And he realised there was no turning back for him. He had come to care for Draco in a way he never felt before. All he wanted was to make the other boy happy.  
  
Meanwhile, Draco was feeling safe and warm in Harry's arms. Like nothing could ever happen to him while he was in this position. He felt loved, something he had craved lately. Something only Harry seemed to bring him.  
  
Draco raised his head so he was looking Harry in the eyes. It was strange how he was losing himself everytime he looked into Harry's green orbs.  
  
Harry was having similar thoughts about Draco's eyes. How they were cold grey but could reflect warm emotions. He was lost in them and never wanted to find his way back.  
  
Before they even realised it, and moving like a higher force controlled them, the two boys brushed their lips together, and let their tongues dance slowly.  
  
If they thought their first kiss was good, this one was certanly heaven. Neither of them had ever felt such a deep emotion.  
  
The kiss lasted for a few seconds, before they pulled away to breathe. They didn't seem to realise what had just happened. They were both still breathing heavily.  
  
Draco was the first to come to his senses, and cursed himself for being so weak. He looked again at Harry's eyes and he couldn't believe what he saw. There was love, so much love he was lost in it.  
  
But as tempting as it was, he couldn't stay here and live an old fashioned romance. He needed to protect Harry from all the plans against him. It would be better in the end. 'One day Harry, one day I'll explain everything. And I hope you'll understand,' Draco thought before getting up and running away, leaving Harry alone and shocked, once again, not understanding what had just happened to him.  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
  
  
Well I hope you liked this chapter. I have the whole storyline of this story in my head and if you look well, you might find some clues about the plot.  
  
Don't look too much though, it will spoil everything.  
  
Now I'd like to thank the ones who reviewed the story till now.  
  
Kimmy You're the only one who reviewed the three chapters. Thank you.  
  
MIKE Thanks a lot. You were the first reviewer for this story.  
  
Forfifith I took your advice for the quote marks. And as for Ron, don't worry about that. He'll come around, after doing a BIG mistake. Oops . I shouldn't have said that. I'm turning into Hagrid now :-)  
  
Asaroth69 I'm glad you like that line. Took me some time to find it.  
  
Omowiro It's nice to know people are waiting for the next chapter of my story.  
  
Sweet Cherry : Don't worry I'll keep going and I don't know where to put all the ideas I have. Maybe I'll write another story after this one.  
  
Bite me : Obviously, you didn't understand the word 'slash'. So, go read a good Ron/Hermione and let me write my story. Though I can't say Harry and Draco are not sexy *grin*  
  
And thanks to my beta too, Heather. You must have a lot of patience to correct my spelling errors.  
  
Next chapter this week-end, or maybe later.  
  
Hollyva 


	5. Paralizing fear

**TITLE :** Between Hate and Love

**AUTHOR **: Hollyva

**EMAIL:** Estelle@mic.fr

**RATING :** PG-13

**PAIRING : **Harry/Draco

**SUMMARY :** One night, Harry finds Draco on the astronomy tower and they quickly realise there is more than meets the eye. But can they face the obstacles put their way?

**DISCLAIMER** : All the characters in this story belong to JK Rowling.

------------------------------------------------

**CHAPTER 5 : PARLIZING FEAR**

Hogsmeade's Weekend came really fast, something that scared Harry. He dreaded the confrontation with his godfather as he didn't know what he thought of gay people.

Hermione had spent the biggest part of the week convincing him that everything would be okay. Even though he wanted to believe it, Harry dreamed every night of another rejection.

Harry didn't really care anymore about Ron's reaction, but he knew he couldn't take Sirius being angry at him. You can have as many friends as you want, but you have only one family, and Sirius was part of it. Actually, he was the only family Harry had left.

Harry and Hermione were walking in the large alleys of Hogsmeade's village. Harry was constantly moving, trying to chase his fear away, but never succeeding.

Hermione had proposed to come with him to see Sirius, but the Gryffindor boy had politely refused. He wanted to talk to his godfather alone about this private subject.

The two teenagers were about to part in different ways when they saw Ron coming towards them.

Fear flooded Harry once again, but this time it was even worse. What if Ron told everybody about Sirius? Harry had trusted the red-haired boy and had told him everything, even stuff that could get some people killed, like Sirius.

Harry took a quick look at Hermione. She appeared calm, like always, but Harry was sure she was boiling inside.

Ron finally came close to them and avoided looking Harry in the eye. 'Maybe he regrets it,' thought Harry. But the reasonable part of him only thought the other boy needed something and was just being nice to get it.

He was right.

"Uh...Hermione?" asked Ron, not knowing where to put himself.

"What?" she replied sharply. Hermione was very calm on the outside, but Harry knew she could very well be mean when she wanted to.

"I just wanted to ask youI have some problems with my homework and I"

"I won't help you. After the way you treated Harry, I don't even want to look at you. You'll just have to find somebody else to do your homework," Hermione said, chasing him away.

Harry looked at his ex-best friend going away and felt a pang in his heart. He didn't know if Ron deserved what Hermione had said to him. Granted, Ron hadn't been very nice about the gay issue, but Harry missed the times when he used to talk with Ron. Having a friend like Ron helped him to keep his feet on the ground.

Alhought, if Ron came and apologized, Harry didn't know what he would do. Would he forgive him right away? Harry didn't think so. Even though Ron had been like a brother these last few years, he couldn't forgive what he had done that easily.

Harry chased all his thoughts away and quickly took the way to Sirius' hiding place.

*************

Harry found Sirius in his dog form, waiting for his godson to arrive. When he saw Harry, he quickly changed into his human form. The older man had missed his godson over the last few months.

He really loved Harry like his own son and regretted not being able to see him more often. He spent his time wishing that he could have raised Harry. He would have spoiled him, but the boy would have had a family.

Harry handed him the food he had brought him. At least the escaped convict would have something to eat for the next few days.

The two men talked for a while about Voldemort, and the plans Dumbledore had to counter his attacks. Every second, Harry felt his courage going away. He wasn't sure he could tell Sirius, and he hoped the older man wouldn't notice anything.

Harry didn't have much luck.

"Harry? Is something bothering you?" asked the concerned godfather.

Harry hesitated for a few seconds. He wanted to tell Sirius, he really did, but he was scared, paralyzed.

"Is it about Voldemort? Has your scar been hurting you?" he asked.

"No Sirius. It's not about Voldemort," Harry said, once he found the courage to speak.

"Then what is it?" Harry knew Sirius wasn't going to leave him alone until he told him everything.

"Well, I guess you'd better hear it from me rather than from the rumors."

Harry paused, wondering how to say it. Should he just tell him 'I'm gay' or make the elaborate speech he had thought out during the past few days?

"Lately I've had these feelings and.... Have you ever felt something you shouldn't? Like feelings for someone you weren't supposed to like?"  
asked Harry, hoping Sirius would know what he was trying to say.

"More than you could imagine," replied the animagus.

"Really?" Harry asked, surprised by his godfather's answer.

"When I was at school there was this...person I liked. For a few years, I didn't say anything, for fear of being rejected, and of losing that person's friendship. You know I.... Well, I suppose I should tell you...uh...I'm not really attracted to girls and, well, this person was a boy," said Sirius, looking at his hands and waiting for some kind of answer from Harry.

"Wow. It was easier than I thought!" exclaimed Harry.

"What was easier?"

"What I wanted to tell you is that I feel the same. I'm not attracted to girls either," said Harry, now realizing he should have trusted Hermione when she had said that Sirius wouldn't react badly.

"Is that why you were so preoccupied before?" asked Sirius. Harry nodded and then found himself in his godfather's arms for a hug, while he was whispering in Harry's ear.

"You can tell me everything; I will always be there to listen to you. I won't judge you or anything like that. I'll listen to what you have to say and try to help you every time you need it. Now does all the school know about you?"

Harry told him everything. Ron's reaction, his so-called best friend telling all the school, and being treated like a freak. He also told Sirius about Draco, and his feelings for him; feelings that Sirius approved of. He told Harry to pursue them and that it would be easier for him now that he had somebody to help him.

"So who was this person you were talking about?" asked Harry, now sure his godfather wouldn't go anywhere.

"What?" Sirius knew very well what Harry was talking about, but he wasn't sure he could tell him everything. He trusted his godson, but he didn't know if he had the courage to tell him.

"The person you liked. Do I know him?" asked Harry.

"Um...as a matter of fact, you do. But I'm not sure I want to talk about it. I promise I'll tell you. But not now," replied the older man, looking at his hand and appearing much more shaken than before.

It was soon time to go. After hearing one last time that Sirius had no problems with him being gay, Harry left the place where the animagus was hiding and found his classmates, who were going back to the castle.

***********

There was no light; everything was dark and cold when Draco went to his first Death Eater meeting. Tonight, he would take the Dark Mark, and he knew there was nothing he could do about it.

As he looked around, he recognized faces, but couldn't put names to them: people from school, or people he had met during dinners with his father. Draco was amazed by the number of people willing to join Voldemort.

The Dark Lord talked for about an hour, telling them about the attacks they were planning.

Congratulating some people for their good work. Casting Cruciatus on some others, who hadn't done their job properly.

Draco thought he was going to be sick a few times, when some Death Eater talked about his last victim. Explaining in detail how he tortured them before letting the pain from the Cruciatus Curse kill them.

He knew for sure he didn't want to join these people; he would never agree to their ideas.

But he wasn't given a choice. His father had brought him here and ordered him to take the Mark and there was nothing he could do about it.

Draco wasn't even looking when Voldemort told Lucius to bring his son to him. Draco's body was trembling.

He didn't know what to do as Voldemort's hand was approaching his left arm.

In any normal time, he would have tried to get away, but he couldn't move. It was like he was paralyzed. Paralyzed by fear. He didn't know what would be worse: getting Voldemort angry, or getting his father angry.

Images of Harry came flooding through his mind. How he wanted to be at the Gryffindor's side instead of in this cold, dark place.

Harry would comfort him, hold him against his chest and never let him go. Draco thought about the night when Harry had found him in the corridors. How the dark haired boy had taken care of him, gentle as always.

Draco desperately needed Harry in this harsh world.

These were his last thoughts as the hand of Voldemort approached him, ready to give him something that would change his life forever; something he had always dreaded, something that would drive Harry far away from him.

The Dark Mark.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter. Please review more for this one. My birthday is in a little more than one week (February 6th) and reviews would be a great present.

**Cherish Chang: **Glad you like my story. I like reviews like that :-)

**Liza: **Well I admit the idea has crossed my mind. Is it true? You'll see.

**Herktownhick: **Like I said, Ron won't be like that for too long.

**Jay: **To roast marshmallows? Interesting idea. And I won't stop this story just because I got one flame.

**Luverofall: **Well she's doing the first chapters :-)

**Mickey: **Thanks :-) I don't know what else to say.

Well thanks all for your reviews and thanks Heather for being my beta. Review and I'll reply to your review in Chapter 6.  
**  
Hollyva**


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